who has done this?

In Christ Alone

2011-11-20T11:42:00.001-08:00

Dostoevsky: Moral Relativism

2011-02-17T09:52:00.000-08:00

Book Review: Crime and Punishment, by Fyodor Dostoevsky

Picture:Located at the Moscow Metro stop, "Dostoevskaya"

Note: I will be using the word "crime" to refer to an offense against the law and the word "evil" to refer to an offense against humanity and God.

"What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done,
and there is nothing new under the sun." Ecclesiastes 1:9

While moral relativism boomed in the 20th century, it was not pioneered at this time. Moral relativism had been explored many times before. It can be traced back to India in the sixth century BCE, and maybe before that. While it seems to be a harmless and ideal philosophy, what happens when we take it to its logical end? Dostoevsky tastefully and quite brilliantly does this in his novel, Crime and Punishment.

Raskolnikov, Dostoevsky's protagonist, suffers from being a poor student in St. Petersburg. He starts dealing with a certain pawnbroker when he starts selling off his possessions in order to survive. Raskolnikov, we gather, very passionately hates this woman. We take a disliking to her as well. We sympathize with her sister, however. She is innocent of all the pawnbroker's vices.

Raskolnikov decides that he must kill the pawnbroker. It is for the benefit of society that he would do such a thing, and therefore, he is justified in his crime. He is of a higher class of humanity, so he is able to do such things and get away with them.

At first, we disagree (when I use "we," I am really referring to myself) that he is justified in killing her and putting the law into his own hands, but we are not so broken up about it since she was not a great person. We, despite any possible adherences to moral absolutism, begin to practice moral relativism unintentionally. We are challenged in this when he kills her sister on accident, but moral relativism wins again. It was an accident. Accidents happen.

The entire book we sympathize with Raskolnikov as he begins to feel guilty for his crime. We think, "Can he ever live a normal life again?" We hope he can. All the while, we are being tormented with every tedious thought of Raskolnikov as he moves about during the subsequent days. It is as if we could do the same thing and feel the same thoughts.

It is not until the very end that we are faced with the horrific conclusions that come as a result of the psychological adventure we took part in with Dostoevsky. In the end, Raskolnikov confesses. We side with him as he is feeling guilty. We hope everything will work out. Feeling guilt, however, would be adhering to moral absolutism. It would be admitting that there was an evil committed. The confession, however, was a result of emotion. Raskolnikov, after everything, still believes he is of a superior make, and has every right to do away with those who are inferior. Sound familiar? Like some ideology from the World War II era? I had once hoped this man would get away with his crime. Dostoevsky had committed a psychological assault on my mind.

The emotional aspect of his confession, however, does not explain everything. He was also running from the punishment his conscience had been inflicting on him during the course of the novel. We must take a moment and address this. Raskolnikov would rather take the punishment of the law over punishment from his conscience. There seems to be three things at work here: his mind, the law, and his conscience. The justification of the crime before it was committed originates from his mind. This is subjective. The black and white letter of the law originates and is enforced by the government in place. It can be subjective, depending on who makes up the government, or based on an objective, natural law. Lastly, Raskolnikov's conscience seems to be outside of him. In this instance it agrees with the law, but acts separately from the law. All his rationalizing before and after the crime, fails to hold up to the sickness he suffers. He, in an act of desperation, seeks out retribution for his crime. After this act of desperation, he still returns to his own rationalization that he is of a superior make. Regardless, his conscience is at rest, because justice was paid.

Here are a few quotes from the end:

"'How,' he pondered, 'how was my thought any stupider than all the other thoughts and theories that have been swarming and colliding in the world, ever since the world began? It's enough simply to take a broad, completely independent view of the matter, free of all common influences, and then my thought will surely not seem so...strange. Oh, nay-sayers and penny philosophers, why do you stop half-way!'"

"In his illness he had dreamed that the whole world was doomed to fall victim to some terrible, as yet unknown and unseen pestilence spreading to Europe from the depths of Asia. [...] But these creatures [from the pestilence] were spirits endowed with reason and will. Those who received them into themselves immediately became possessed and mad. But never, never had people considered themselves so intelligent and unshakeable in the truth as did these infected ones. Never had they thought their judgments, their scientific conclusions, their moral convictions and beliefs more unshakeable. [...] Everyone became anxious, and no one understood anyone else; each thought the truth was contained in himself alone, and suffered looking at others, beat his breast, wept and wrung his hands. They did not know whom or how to judge, could not agree on what to regard as evil, what as good. They did not know whom to accuse, whom to vindicate. People killed each other in some sort of meaningless spite. [...] In the cities the bells rang all day long: everyone was being summoned but no one knew who was summoning them or why, and everyone felt anxious."

Another article on moral relativism:

Womanizing vs. the "N" Word

Different

2011-02-17T09:24:00.001-08:00

You know how in America we keep our livestock in pastures with a fence around it to keep them from running away or being stolen? In Russia, I found that you build fences to keep livestock out. This means cows, pigs, and sheep are all walking around like they own the place. If you want to keep them out of your garden, put a fence around it. They probably have a similar concept in Ireland, because in every Irish movie, there are sheep that block the road. I once asked a Russian about this and how people keep track of their animals. How come you aren't afraid of people stealing your livestock? The response: they know where to come home to eat! Even if someone stole a cow, that cow would go home to its original owner to eat that night and sleep.

But what happens when they take over the bus stop and convert it to a manger?

Trust and Obey

2010-06-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

While with the Lord this morning, an old children's song came to mind. Shows what kids retain and bring to mind ten years later! The song is "Trust and Obey," which summarizes the two things I am wrestling the Lord with right now. But the song holds true:

Trust and obey
For there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus
But to trust and obey

Here's the entire song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXOPYYK1DO8&feature=related

Thank you all for your prayers!

China Daily on House Churches

2010-03-25T17:54:00.000-07:00

http://tianjin.chinadaily.com.cn/cndy/2010-03/17/content_9600333.htm

Hannah and Her Sacrifice

2010-03-18T17:21:00.000-07:00

I Samuel 1

I tend to justify myself when clinging to gifts the Lord has given me. I tell myself that the Lord has given to enjoy, and until he takes it, it is mine to take without question. You can see how this can turn into idolatry pretty quickly, and an unchecked idolatry.

We can see in 1 Samuel that Hannah pleaded with the Lord to the point that Eli came upon her weeping "bitterly" and thought she was drunk. She told the Lord if he heard her and granted her a desire for a son, she would give his life to the Lord.

When Samuel was born, she indeed gave Samuel to the Lord. But my experience in situations like these have been, "Lord, you granted me this desire, so I was mistaken in saying I would give it back. You want me to keep it and enjoy to the fullest." This usually is in the form of me telling the Lord that I can give back something at any given time, but when the time comes for me to give it up, I cling. Woe to me for my insincere promises.

Promise (n)- a declaration or assurance that one will do a particular thing

"When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay." Ecclesiastes 5:4-5

My purpose is not to condemn myself, but to learn to take joy in fulfilling promises. After all, I want the Lord to take pleasure in my actions.

After Hannah weaned Samuel, she took him to the house of the Lord. She did this in thanksgiving for the answered prayer, and not out of reluctance from giving up her long-awaited desire. We joyfully fulfill promises.

"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord." 1 Samuel 1:27-28

Then she worshipped the Lord, her heart exulting in him.

There was no room for idolatry. Our hearts should always be in a state like Hannah's--ready to give all back to him, all our blessings whether they be people or things.

Condemnation

2010-03-18T17:01:00.000-07:00

Fleshly offenses have emerged in my heart and actions, and I am brought low. But truth tells me that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus and also that:

"God[...] has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." 1 Corinthians 4:6-7

Lord, help me to claim my shortcomings and my unworthiness. I want to display your power and strength. Any reservation towards this is some meager attempt to show the world that I have succeeded at "Christianity." But if I am perfect I do not need Christ or the gospel, and by my actions am undermining Christ work on the cross. Teach me to say with Paul, "I am the worst among sinners." I need Jesus.

"Whoever conceals his transgression will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy." Proverbs 28:13

Obvious Gift

2010-01-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost but now am found,

Was blind, but now I see.

So with all the love language talk, I like to tell people that the way I receive love the most is "random acts of kindness." It is a cross between gifts and acts of service. It is a gift in that the friend thought of me, and acted on it. It, however, does not have to be tangible. It is all the same to me.

Dictionary.com puts it this way:

"Something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present."

Last Sunday God gave an obvious gift that spoke directly to me. I serve a very personal God!

Last semester, I attended potluck lunches in Bryan. The idea of the lunches is to make sure those who usually eat at Twin City Missions during the week have food on the weekends. One of the Sundays, Sarah and I showed up early to attend their open-air church. During that time, we sung hymns, one of them being "Amazing Grace." We all stood in a circle and sang. God really spoke to me then during the first stanza on how the world looks at the people around me as wretches, people who should of tried harder in life. As they were making beatiful gestures of praise to our shared God, He spoke to me the extent of our heart's condition. The appearance of my heart is wretched, like most of the world views my friends.

But thanks be to God for grace. My heart has been redeemed.

So now for this past Sunday:

I was on my way to the potluck lunch, and I was thinking, "Man, I would really like to sing 'Amazing Grace' in a group." When I got there, I set down my food, and Dan gathered everyone together for the prayer of thanks before the meal.

Then came the shocker.

He tells the group of people standing in the circle holding hands that he would like to try something different. It was then that I started to guess what was about to happen, and share with God my excitement, although not completely sure it was going to take place. Dan then says he would like to sing a song together, and asked for songs we all knew. A man suggested 'Amazing Grace.' And Dan ran with the suggestion and we all sang our praises. Mine were filled with awe. My God loves me and showed me favor that day, and continues to pursue me like he first did.

Ahhh!

sydney.

2009-10-11T12:59:00.001-07:00

waiting and expecting

2009-10-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

"if i cannot catch 'the sound of noise of rain' long before the rain falls, and, going to some hilltop of the spirit, as near to my God as i can, have not faith to wait there with my face between my knees, though six times or sixty times i am told 'there is nothing,' till at last 'there arises a little cloud out of the sea,' then i know nothing of calvary love." amy carmichael

"and elijah said to ahab, 'go up, eat and drink, for there is a sound of the rushing of rain.' so ahab went up to eat and to drink. and elijah went up to the top of mount carmel. and he bowed himself down on the earth and put his face between his knees. and he said to his servant, 'go up now, look toward the sea.' and he went up and looked and said, 'there is nothing.' and he said, 'go again,' seven times. and at the seventh time he said, 'behold, a little cloud like a man's hand is rising from the sea.' and he said, 'go up, say to ahab, prepare your chariot and go down, lest the rain stop you.' and in a little while the heavens grew black with clouds and wind, and there was a great rain. and ahab rode and went to jezreel. and the hand of the Lord was with elijah, and he gathered up his garment and ran before ahab to the entrance of jezreel." 1 kings 18:41-46

into the light

2009-10-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

blackbird

the beatles

blackbird singing in the dead of night
take these broken wings and learn to fly
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

black bird singing in the dead of night
take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free.

blackbird fly, blackbird fly
into the light of the dark black night.

blackbird fly, blackbird fly
into the light of the dark black night.

blackbird singing in the dead of night
take these broken wings and learn to fly
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to arise,
you were only waiting for this moment to arise,
you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

my cup overfloweth

2009-10-06T23:06:00.000-07:00

"father, i desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where i am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world." john 17:24

tonight at a prayer gathering, the Spirit was generous in truth and speaking through brothers there. God does desire us. we often try to stir up desire to be in the presence of God, but as mitchell said, we don't want to spend time with someone who we think doesn't desire us or want to spend time with us. that is our skewed perception of God. that he is quick to point out the areas we don't measure up, and until we do, we have no place with him. while without Christ, that is true, we have no right to be near a holy God, in Christ we have a pardon and access to the the most holy place. the veil was torn.

"for you have not come to what may be touched, a blazing fire and darkness and gloom and a tempest and the sound of a trumpet and a voice whose words made the hearers beg that no further messages be spoken to them. for they could not endure the order that was given, 'if even a beast touches the mountain, it shall be stoned.' indeed, so terrifying was the sight taht moses said, 'i tremble with fear.' but you have come to mount zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, and to the assembly (or church) of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of abel." hebrews 12:18-24

continuing...

"see that you do not refuse him who is speaking." vs. 25

and later on...

"therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire." vs. 28-29

our response to his invitation to delight in him, and knowing we have full access or confidence, is to listen to his voice, obey, and worship. if the shepherd came to find you, the one lost sheep, you would recognize and rejoice in his voice, knowing safety is in him, and then obey as he leads you to the flock and to that safety.

a.w. tozer said it this way:

"if we are alert enough to hear God's voice we must not content ourselves with merely 'believing' it...commands are to be obeyed, and until we have obeyed them we have done exactly nothing at all about them. and to have heard them and not obeyed them is infinitely worse than to never to have heard them at all."

this is a call to obedience and settling for nothing less as your response to conviction. last summer while i was in china, my team and i battled for community and loving one another. we all wanted it, but i know as for me, i had a hardened heart and was in rebellion. the Spirit would whisper to me little ways to love them, but i ignored. i justified and created reasons not to do these actions of love. those who are not faithful in the small, cannot be trusted with the big. in rejecting the Spirits call, i suppressed and created an hostile environment for him.

this is not to say that we should seek obedience solely and above all, because we lean towards the law and not grace. but when consumed in the Spirit, obedience seems to come so much easier. when delighting in our Lord, obedience comes so much easier. and when it is not easy, that is when we must search our hearts and expose self in them. what i am is saying is, delight solely in him and obedience go hand in hand. you cannot really have one without the other.

"they were so engrossed with gazing upon the face of God that they spent scarce a moment looking themselves. they were suspended in that sweet paradox of spiritual awareness where they know that they were clean through the blood of the Lamb and yet felt that they deserved only death and hell as their just reward." a.w. tozer

Let Him Ask: Dealing With Doubt

2009-03-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

"And so seated next to Father in the train compartment, I suddenly asked, 'Father, what is a sexsin?' He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. 'Will you carry if off the train, Corrie?' he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. 'It's too heavy,' I said. 'Yes,' he said. 'And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.' And I was satisfied. More than satisfied--wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions--for now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping."--Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place

There will be times when we ask for an answer to something, and all we hear is silence. Instead of waiting in despair, we can know that there is an answer and look to the promise that in God's good an perfect time (and when we can bear it), we will receive that answer. It does not mean that our minds sit idly. We still seek patiently, but we have faith that it will turn out. If anything, an idle mind is a result of a lack of faith. Instead, our minds labor, knowing our hunger will be replaced with plenty.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that man must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."James 1:5-8

Last year I fell on very despondent times, and it was no coincidence that this was a time of questioning for me. This was not the first time that I had seriously questioned my faith, because my senior year of high school I went through a pivotal time of doubt. I knew from experience that doubt does not mean walking away from the faith, but I still had questions that needed answers.

Before we go any further, we should define doubt. Doubt is to feel uncertain about something. There can be two purposes for one to doubt, to question or to disbelieve. Questioning can certainly lead to seeking after unbelief, but does not have to. If one's objective is to prove something to be false, and questions in order to find support for this, one will very easily find himself in a state of chaos. If, however, one is simply inquiring for the mere purpose of unbiased knowledge, he will not find himself drowning in uncertainty and seeking unbelief. His mind will be clear, not anxious. Tim Keller, the pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian, writes on doubt and says:

"People who blithely go through life too busy or indifferent to ask hard questions about why they believe as they do will find themselves defenseless against either the experience of tragedy or the probing questions of a smart skeptic. A person's faith can collapse almost overnight if she has failed over the years to listen patiently to her own doubts, which should only be discarded after long reflection. Believers should acknowledge and wrestle with doubts--not only their own but their friends' and neighbors'. It is no longer sufficient to hold beliefs just because you inherited them. Only if you struggle long and hard with objections to your faith will you be able to provide grounds for your beliefs to skeptics, including yourself, that are plausible rather than ridiculous or offensive (The Reason for God)."

Keller calls us to wrestle with our doubts until we can give an answer for what we believe(1 Peter 3:15). How can this be if there are clear commands in the Bible to not doubt? This is where the motivation comes in. If one is simply inquiring to answer a question, then he seems quite innocent. If he is setting out to prove his beliefs wrong, then this is where it becomes dangerous. Keller references the story of Thomas after Christ' resurrection for those who have reached an unstable place. Thomas said he would not believe that Christ had risen until he saw it for himself, and when Christ appeared to him, had mercy and gave blessing to Thomas despite is absence of faith. He not only commanded, "Do not disbelieve, but believe," but he also gave him further proof of his death and resurrection, another illustration of grace.

"For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?" Matthew 7:8-10

"I should not wonder if he would cause two seas to meet around your barque, so that there should not be more than a few boards and broken pieces of the ship left to you, but oh! If you have faith in Christ, he will certainly bring you safe to shore. It is not at all an uncommon thing for the Lord to add to the inward scourgings of conscience the outward lashings of affliction. These double scourgings are meant for proud, stubborn hearts that they may be humbly brought to Jesus' feet, for of us it may be said, in truth, as Solomon saith of the child, 'Foolishness is bound in his heart; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.' God is thus, dear hearer, bringing folly out of you by the smarts of his rod. It is written, 'The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil,' and therefore the Lord is making your wounds to be black and blue, and I should not wonder if he will even let them putrefy, till you have to say with Isaiah, 'From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores.' Then it is that eternal mercy will take advantage of your dire extremity, and your deep distress shall bring you to Christ who never would have been brought by any other means. To close this somewhat painful picture. Many lack wisdom because in addition to all their fears and their ignorance, they are fiercely attacked by Satan. John Bunyan tells us of Apollyon, that he said, 'No king will willingly lose his subjects.' Of course, he will not; and Apollyon, as he sees his subjects one after another desert him to enlist under the banner of King Jesus, howls at his losses, and he leaves no stone unturned to keep souls back from mercy. Just at that critical moment himself, 'It is now or never. If I do not nip these buds, they will become flowers and fruits; but if I can bring in a withering frost, I shall kill the young plant.' The great enemy makes a dead set at anxious souls."--Charles Spurgeon

Sometimes pride and foolishness can lead us to a path of sinful doubting, but as I can attest, doubt is at times a trial. Not the sinful doubt I mentioned before, but the period of uncertainty. Questions used to devastate, and I used to entertain doubt rather than seek truth. It was not until I looked to the cause of the questions, and realized that I had done nothing to bring this on myself could I see the purpose behind them. God spoke through a friend when she told me that the very things I am questioning are only preparing me for my future calling, and the result of this trial will be stability. The enemy can easily paralyze, but in any case, we must recognize our doubt for what it is, whether it be testing, a trial, or sin. We must then deal with it accordingly.

who has done this?

2008-09-29T16:12:00.000-07:00

"who among all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? in his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind." job 12:9-10

"you have multiplied, o Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! i will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told." psalm 40:5

the Lord is both alive and giving life. i am finding it imperative to claim and declare this with my life and words. the purpose of this blog is to communicate him as my ultimate purpose is to bring him glory. i hope that you are able to see more and more of him through my accounts and that you are encouraged. enjoy.

"set your mind's attention and your heart's affection on the glory of Christ so that you will be changed from glory to glory into his image, so that you might fully enjoy what you were made for--making much of Christ." john piper